This blog post is not a cry for help, but more of a reflection on what I have learned as a PhD student and how I will transfer my skills and experiences to a postdoc position.
Ever since I started my MSc, which then became a PhD, in 2016, I felt as if I was an imposter. I didn't graduate from my undergraduate program with the highest grades, I sometimes struggled to interpret some geologic features in the field, and I always had issues understanding the concepts and significance of certain analytical techniques applied in Earth Science. This unease and imposter syndrome feeling followed me across to Canada, where I had to find out whether I was really capable of obtaining a PhD degree. It took some time (almost 5 years to be precise), but I was able to learn some valuable lessons on how to cope with imposter syndrome and learn from my mistakes. Now, I am not saying I am the perfect PhD student (far from it in fact XD), but I can definitely say I have grown significantly since I graduated with my Bachelors of Science degree in June 2016.
In this blog post, I want to share with you all the major learning milestones from my time as a PhD student. Some of it will sound as if I should have already known the answer to these issues, but to be fair, I have a history of being a bit pessimistic and prone to moments stress from small problems.
What I Learned About Academic Writing
I remember when I was enrolled in my secondary academy (middle and high school in Scotland), I struggled in English class. I hate to say I was one of those students who never took creative writing or critical reading seriously. Mainly, because I never really understood why I would need to understand the underlying message in a Shakespearean poem, or interpret the meaning behind a specific scene in play. I always found creative writing and critical reading as a chore, and never a skill I would have to consistently apply in a job that did not involve theatre or literature. Oh boy was I wrong. I realized one year into my PhD program that I should never have taken those English classes for granted. Even though creative writing and academic writing are two completely different worlds, the fundamentals are all the same. When I started my PhD, I had to start learning how to construct conference abstracts, scholarship proposals, research proposal applications, grants, and scientific manuscripts. I obtained some information on how to do this from my departments graduate seminar course, but I felt it was not enough time to cover all of the bases. Because I came into my PhD program with not the strongest writing background, I had to learn how to write efficiently quickly and on my own. A lot of it involved trial and error. I had to go through many rounds of writing edits, manuscript reconstructions, and rewriting abstracts. I didn't take any writing workshops offered by my university (in hindsight I wish I did!) because I always convinced myself that those workshops would be no different than my academy English classes. Part of me wishes I could go back and take some of the writing workshops offered by my university. I don't recommend anyone who is about to or wants to start an MSc or PhD to follow the same path I took when it comes to academic writing. Make sure you find places to learn and practice.
The main thing I took away from me learning scientific writing was that you are your own worst critic. I remember so many times when I would write a paragraph and think, "this can be so much better", even though a lot of other people, including my supervisors, would say it was really good. We always strive for perfection, even when we tell ourselves that perfection is most of the time non-existent. I wish I learned this earlier on in my PhD because I believe that I would have been able to cope with scientific writing and imposter syndrome a little bit better.
Working Independently
One of the most important skills I think you gain from a PhD degree is the ability to work independently. Now when I say independently, I don't mean isolating yourself from classmates, colleagues, and collaborators to conduct your own work. What I mean is that you are able to structure and follow your own schedule, think independently to come up with new research ideas, put together proposals, and self motivate yourself to achieve your goals as a scientist. This is a skill that is not taught when you are an undergraduate (most of the time at least). Mainly because you are still learning the fundamentals. I remember when I started my third year as an undergraduate, my professors told the entire year that they will no longer spoon feed us information. If we wanted to learn and solve problems, we had to try and tackle them ourselves first, and only come to them when we were truly stuck or it required expertise that was beyond us. I found this very useful before starting my PhD because it gave me an advantage over other recently graduated students who may have not gotten the same type of treatment.
As I started to enter the fourth year of my PhD, I realized that I was a lot more capable of working independently than I originally thought. Part of this was because the COVID-19 pandemic limited what type of work we could do from home. This really pushed me to think about how I can continue to work on my research and ensure I defend on time. When I transition to a postdoc, independent work schedules and research are going to become the norm. I will have less support as compared to being a graduate student, and I will have to put finding funding for myself into my own hands. As daunting as this all sounds, I feel like I am ready. I admit, I know I still have a lot to learn, and I know I am going to enter moments of extreme, anxiety, and frustration when searching and applying for funding. However, that is all part of the academic career path. We push forward to conduct our own research, which requires us to put ourselves out their into the world on a several page, double-spaced, research proposal to a review committee that you may never meet in life.
Diversifying My Research Interests
I remember during my undergraduate degree that everyone in my class (of 30) had a geology/environmental sciences field they preferred over the rest. Some preferred paleontology, while others preferred isotope geochemistry. It was never a bad thing during your undergrad years, because when you had to pick a dissertation in your fourth year, you wanted to have a specific interest over a broad one. This mind set started to change a little bit when I started my PhD. I came in with a strong enthusiasm for geochemistry and field work, and little else. However, my thesis incorporates not just geochemistry and field work, but remote sensing analysis, some statistical analysis, crystallographic analysis, and image processing. All topics I never had thought twice about during my undergrad. At first I thought having a research project with so many different techniques and topics would give the impression that I was scattered, disorganized, and unsure of what I wanted to focus my work on. I later learned (starting the fourth year of my PhD) that showing diversity in your thesis is very appealing in the eyes of a lot of institutions and research groups. Showing a diversity in research topics demonstrates to others how you are able to apply different skill sets that are not normally associated with one another to address a research goal. It shows that you aren't stuck in a niche line of thinking, and are willing to broaden your horizons and learn new topics and techniques in your field. Now I am not saying you should try to study everything because at that point it becomes chaotic, and you won't be able to identify yourself as a specific scientist. You should focus on a couple of topics and incorporate several techniques and case studies (in the case for planetary science, planetary bodies).
I will be defending my PhD thesis discussing how studying terrestrial lava flows and impact melt deposits can help us learn more about the emplacement mechanisms of lunar impact melt flows. I use radar, field work, LiDAR, bulk geochemical analysis, micro-probe analysis, image processing, statistics, and crystallographic analysis all in one. That sounds pretty diverse right!? Now, I now look at this diversity in a different light. It has started to prove to me that it is okay to branch out and dip my toes in other research fields. In fact, it is the reason why I wrote two postdoc research proposals that are completely different from my PhD thesis. I submitted a proposal to the European Space Agency describing how I would use a variety of remote sensing techniques to compare volcanic deposits on the Moon to Mercury (to airless bodies). I argued how my background in remote sensing analysis and image processing will provide me with the skills to learn how to calibrate, process, and interpret remote sensing data I had never used in my PhD thesis. Risky, but a demonstration of willingness to learn and adapt. Another proposal I submitted was for the NASA Postdoctoral Program (NPP) where I described a new in-situ analysis and sampling strategy for selecting appropriate shocked and non-shocked lunar samples that would be analyzed to address high priority science goals reported by the Lunar Exploration Analysis Group. I argued how my experience in mission operations and field work can be very beneficial to this proposed project, and how I will learn how to operate new equipment in the field.
I plan to keep on improving these proposals to ensure they get accepted in the future. I got great feedback about both of them, so I have already proven I can write a great proposal. It is just a question of continuing to push forward and combat the competition.
Final Thoughts
One thing I do have to admit is that I need to step up my game. A combination of the pandemic, close end of my PhD, and me running out of steam from time to time, has led me to slow down a bit when I should be speeding up. Not to burn out faster in a sense, but to be more proactive and to ensure I am securing myself a future that (1) I will enjoy and be happy with, and (2) will help me progress down the path I want to carve towards becoming a respected researcher. The rest of the summer and the Fall term will be the make and break moment for this. I have been given the opportunity to demonstrate in a short period of time that I have what it takes to be a postdoc. I know I am capable, but words are just words. Action speaks louder, and has more weight proving people you were right, and proving your doubts wrong.
There are a few short-term goals I want to achieve during late summer and the Fall:
- become more involved as a LRO Mini-RF Science Affiliate
- work on a couple of new research projects: Mercury-Moon and flow morphology projects
- return to coding practice (Python for right now)
- return to learning French (not research related, more for me)
- take on the initiative and become more proactive in general
Am I prepared for a postdoc? I like to say I am ready. Do I think I am going to go in with minimal stress and challenges? Heck no! I know life will throw so many curve balls at me and beat me down until I feel like giving up. When that happens, there is always something I try to remember. As they say in boxing, "it is never how hard you can hit, it is about how hard you can get hit, get back up, and keep fighting." If we gave up when life got hard, then we would not achieve anything. I want to take what I have learned as a PhD student and apply it to my first postdoc position. It is only going to get harder from here, but the rewards will be greater!
